i feel the same writing this post at the moment. Blank .......................................... so much has been going on in my head that im just getting tired of it all. Family dramas that make me feel so hurt and Sad about even though its in the past. I know everyone has their problems and life isn't easy but i wish things were just different. I have looked past it but my good friend Katheryn  from work has been having family & friends problems. Her family situation is different but yet similar to mine at the same time. We understand each other very well. Saying that we   are there for one another but i feel bad thinking this however i feel i get tired and drained because when she mentions how she gets frustrated by her things i automatically think of my side of things then thats when i get in a down mood and get upset. I tend to just shut down and keep to myself. I feel bad because im suppose to listen and give advice when i feel i dont know what to say anymore. i feel like i can only give so much. Again i feel terrible and i feel like im really heartless but i dont know what else to say to her & i dont want to say from this point onwards it will all be better.
i cant say that because im not sure of that myself so i hope she knows she can always turn to me its just that i feel selfish that i feel like im not giving my full divided attention. .
Saying all this makes me question on my own relationship with my dad. In another 3 months it will be a year of me not speaking to him. Cant believe its gone so fast but at the same time, time has dragged.
Two males have really hurt me & he is one of them. im questioning myself weather i keep going on with my life without him and not speaking to him or have him in my life but learn to accept him for the ways he is. i have come up with an idea thinking that i have figured him out and the reason why he hurts me. So my thoughts are him seeing me hurts him & him feeling like he has failed as a father to me.So his way of dealing with it all is to push me away because he doesn't want to deal with things that he has failed in. They are my thoughts anyway.
its a little similar to the reasons with the other male but i cant fully say that. Different situations but yet still along the same lines in away.
So so sick of it though hence why i have cut them out of my life. Still cant forget. Yet I think about both every day.  I wish my dad proved me wrong and showing me he was different. The other I wish he got a gf that way i could hurt more know that i was fully wrong opposed to both of us in the same state. Really annoys me!!!