long time coming

so again i have to do one massive long post but have no idea how this will work out because im sitting at the library and only have an hour. An hour to catch up on the last few weeks i think thats close to impossible for me. Especially when i have moments when i dont even know where to begin.
I shall first explain to you why im using the internet the old school way at the library. Its a simple answer really...... Im going to Hawaii soon & i cant afford to pay my bill. Thinking i shall sort that all out after im back. Saying that its so frustrating because im so lazy on my days off i can never be bothered to come to the library.
Anyways enough about that little problem.
Next looking back on the last week or two i cant remember where to start.
Some girls i met through my friend catherine, one of them was leaving melbourne to go back home after her long months of travels. The other two are still living in melbourne for awhile which im happy about because they are so lovely and we all get along so well. The on the weekend she is stopping by Fiji then back home in america. I felt bad how i couldnt see her to say good bye however she did join me at my friends gig in Fitzroy last week.
Was a good night considering i had no idea how it was going to work out because i had my friends going away drinks earlier in the city. Mind you this is all straight after work then had to leave in the middle and go to the gig which i was sure i was going to miss because im always so late. Was so happy i was late however made it just on time.
Night was very random & so much fun.





The going away drinks i felt terrible for leaving because Jeanette who was my old area mananger at my previous job, she use to work in the same center as me. So every lunch break i had i spent it with her. Its also who im going away with. So i felt like i shouldve been there till the end. Was alot of fun. Started off going back to her shop having a wine or two in her back room then we all made our way to the bar which was 5 min away from work. Then we all met everyone there. I knew most of the people that use to work with her because she basically re hired everyone from our previous job.  So was so much fun to catch up with everyone again and be in the same room and enjoy eachothers company.









Back tracking the week before i joined the girls Annabelle, Jordan & her friend Chani at the night markets in the city. Chani has just moved from overseas to start uni here and live here for awhile. She found a place literally 5 minutes away from me. Thought that was handy and something to look forward to for when i come back from my little holiday we can go out some more.
That night it was dreadfull weather was ok then suddenly the rain started pouring down. Despite the weather was still such a fun night. At the markets like i would've describe before is full of people, live music yummy food and sweet cocktails. Cheap cocktails to!!! When im there i usually have the sweet yummy Sangaria's. This time all of us there bought a bottle each however i acted little bit ditzy and thought i bought a champaign when instead i bought a grape fruit flavoured drink instead of an acholic one. whoopsy daisy!! im using the exuse i was in a rush and all the dark bottles look the same. Was very nice and easy to drink :)  My other friend Amanda came down and joined us and she go onto the Grape fruit pretty fast. So wasnt all a waste.After we finished all our drinks & put the bottles down, all us girls made our way over to the bar which was right across the road. Since we hadnt had any of our favourite drink of sangeria's we all chipped in and bought two jugs of it. By that stage i was getting bit tired but had to make sure i was awake and had energy because Amanda bought me a ticket to see one of her favourite bands Caribou. She is to nice to get me a ticket.  I swear all my friends are to good to me!!!!









Anyways had to leave the girls & amanda i myself made our way down to the venue where they were playing. I was shocked how many people were there even though i knew it was a sold out event. Started at midnight on a thursday night. Maybe thats why i was litte suprised to see how many people stayed out during the week.
It was a good night the band was amazing however i felt bad because i went through that tired stage when i was about to fall asleep.
Thankfully i had the next two days off so i stayed at Amanda's house and rested the next day.

Finally caught up with my One of my best friends Rachel. I have no idea why but we always have a gap when we see eachother. i think its just because both of us are always so busy. I luv how it goes for so long and we are always the same. 
She came around to mine after work and we made our way to st kilda to the markets. We thought we should grab some dinner while we were there and just hang out catch up and go for a little stroll. Was alot of fun. She makes me laugh and just seeing her makes me so happy. We bought little matching key rings so cute.

Last weekend Jeanette came over to mine and we walked down my local area st kilda and had a drink just because it was a lovely day. Littl did we both know that it was going to be one long fun day of drinking. cocktail after cocktail then the wines following the yummy Tapas. Then onto the Shots and Spirits. I have been to most of the places we went to that evening but there were a few i hadnt so it was nice to try out the new ones.
Im trying to remember all the ones we went to. went to about 7-8 bars during the period of the day and went back to several in the time.

That weekend i went out for a coffe with friend who i had met though my friend Amanda. Was little bit wierd considering i had only met him once and i dont do coffee. Was sweet considering he went to the extra effort to ask if it was ok to ask me out.
Later that night i was so happy to go home and sit on the couch and watch tv. Not long after i did my usual thing and passed out. All my friends know me as the one who falls asleep on the couch. Its pretty bad give me any couch and ill just fall asleep.

On my last day off from work i caught up with Nazneen. She use to be our casual at work.Now she is leaving us & going back to live at home in Malayasia. She Found herself a better job that would help her follow on in her caree. Im so so happy for her but yet so so sad to say good bye. Over the time i have know her all of us girls got close at work and now its so sad for all of us to say our goodbyes.
On my day off though i went into the city to meet her for brunch. Was a lovely morning we sat and ate down degrave street which has all the cute little trendy cafes. We did what girls do best. Talked & chatted, went for a stroll looked at the beautifull shops admired what we wish we had one day. Took some pretty photos for her to have memories for when she goes back home.



Yesterday Nazneen came by our work once we had finished and Trang who i was working with thought we shall go have dinner all together.So we made our way down to the crown casino and just had grabbed some easy food at the food court & just chatted away. Took some more silly photos which made all of us laugh. so Sad to see her go. will miss her deeply!
x x x

i feel the same writing this post at the moment. Blank .......................................... so much has been going on in my head that im just getting tired of it all. Family dramas that make me feel so hurt and Sad about even though its in the past. I know everyone has their problems and life isn't easy but i wish things were just different. I have looked past it but my good friend Katheryn  from work has been having family & friends problems. Her family situation is different but yet similar to mine at the same time. We understand each other very well. Saying that we   are there for one another but i feel bad thinking this however i feel i get tired and drained because when she mentions how she gets frustrated by her things i automatically think of my side of things then thats when i get in a down mood and get upset. I tend to just shut down and keep to myself. I feel bad because im suppose to listen and give advice when i feel i dont know what to say anymore. i feel like i can only give so much. Again i feel terrible and i feel like im really heartless but i dont know what else to say to her & i dont want to say from this point onwards it will all be better.
i cant say that because im not sure of that myself so i hope she knows she can always turn to me its just that i feel selfish that i feel like im not giving my full divided attention. .
Saying all this makes me question on my own relationship with my dad. In another 3 months it will be a year of me not speaking to him. Cant believe its gone so fast but at the same time, time has dragged.
Two males have really hurt me & he is one of them. im questioning myself weather i keep going on with my life without him and not speaking to him or have him in my life but learn to accept him for the ways he is. i have come up with an idea thinking that i have figured him out and the reason why he hurts me. So my thoughts are him seeing me hurts him & him feeling like he has failed as a father to me.So his way of dealing with it all is to push me away because he doesn't want to deal with things that he has failed in. They are my thoughts anyway.
its a little similar to the reasons with the other male but i cant fully say that. Different situations but yet still along the same lines in away.
So so sick of it though hence why i have cut them out of my life. Still cant forget. Yet I think about both every day.  I wish my dad proved me wrong and showing me he was different. The other I wish he got a gf that way i could hurt more know that i was fully wrong opposed to both of us in the same state. Really annoys me!!!

i dont even know where to begin. It has been so long i have been so lazy. i have thought about it so many times i need to write something however every time i have wanted to i have just fallen asleep or dont even know where to begin. For example i have this very long pause right about now because i dont even know what to write anymore. Does anyone have those moments in life what writers call a writing block.

Things are going on in your life however you just have no idea how to explain it or for that matter want to talk about it. At the same time you wish someone was reading your mind so they could just understand and listen then give the best advice they can.
I feel like this year 2011 is turning out to be a pretty good year. just have to keep looking positive and it will follow on for the rest of the year/ life.
I think im pretty much done with clearing all the negative things in my life with people and situations. This means no more dramas No more feeling down and dwelling on things that you hope for it to be different. Have to be strong and make a decision & scrap all the little things that make you think twice and doubt yourself. Have to believe in yourself and look forward and really want to do things for things to happen.

First big news which im really excited about is im going away on a little Holiday!!! finally its been a long time coming however im so so so excited  it.  I have never ever been overseas. I never thought in my life this would be my first place to go to. Thought it was way out of my price range. Thought to myself if i ever go overseas it would either be Europe and visit my long lost friend Natasha, who i miss dearly. It has been so many years since i saw her last. We Still keep in touch via emails and Facebook however its not the same as spending time with them face to face.
My old area Manager Jeanette works in the same center as i do & we have kept in touch and probably even closer now than ever. Every lunch break i spend with her. I feel like she is my second mum. I go over there and she has my lunch made waiting for me. She is so so cute. So caring and thoughtful.
Got to a point that we are sitting outside by the water on our breaks trying to get a tan with the short amount of time we have before we walk back in being all depressed. We are both over our jobs and just not passionate about it at all. Some days are better than others however i think we have both just been over worked and things that have happened in my personal life over the years i feel like surely i deserve a break.
i was forced to take annual leave from work anyways and i felt like if i have to take it i dont want to waste it. I dont usually like to take annual leave because i rather save it all then when i quit i get payed out. i feel like that way its a little savings thing for myself since im terrible at saving.
So after all this of discussion Jeanette & i felt like the only way we will feel like we are on a break is if we step onto a plane. We both had no fascination for going anywhere in Australia So we were thinking a bigger picture. We narrowed it down to it being Las Vegas or Hawaii. Singapore was in there but Vegas & Hawaii just over powered them. I was Stuck on Hawaii for the fact sitting there relaxing and being in warm. In my head it sounds like a real fantasy but when i think of Hawaii i think of beautifull beaches soft sand palm tree with a coconut in my hand have a sweet fruity cocktail with pink purple sky's.
The bikini idea kind of scares me however im sure i'll just have to get over that.
Im so excited and our resort where we are staying is just beautfull. could not ask for anything more. Never in my life did i think i would be going there just for a short break and get away & staying at 5 STAR Resort.  i feel like Jeanette & I will be lying by the pool like the girls did in sex & the city. Sipping Cocktails whenever we please from the bar by the pool, thinking how could i be so lucky.
Its all so cute my mum is so so happy for me & excited and my best friend Rachel is as well. Bless them both.





I have finally deleted a certain someones number in my phone. Friends have told me time and time again to do it earlier. however i know they are looking out for me and care however things like this i cant just do as they say because Stuff the rules and thinking its best and the sooner you do it the better however takes time. and i said i would do it step by step. Bit unexpected for my friends when i told them i did it because i said i wouldn't have cut off from everything else however just felt right for me to do it the other day on my way to work.

After my holiday its my mum & dads birthday. Two days apart. However im excited i really want to treat my mum this year. Nothing huge huge. Usually i take her out for dinner. This year i want to do the same however go little bit nicer and take her to the Lang ham hotel in the city and all you can eat buffet. I was there last year with my dad and brother & girlfriend. As much as i enjoyed i felt guilty for me being there sitting next to my brother and sitting in the beautfull place thinking wish mum could enjoy it to.
Mum & my brother dont speak or have any contact from a silly thing in the past. i dont agree with my brother and i have finally done the same thing to what he has to mum to me & my dad. Not to say tit for tat, i gave my dad enough chances to make it ok with me.I'm usually easy going and dont care because i dont expect anything from him however he pushed me so far and only so much i could take. I do hope it even hits their hearts and know what it feels like now.
So after all that im excited to tell mum to get all dressed up and take her out and treat her. Thinking maybe for her to get her nails done earlier to that would be cute.





My best friend Ashleigh is coming back soon from living with her boyfriend in France after 3 months. have missed her terribly. We have already decided we are having a dinner party with Soph herself & I. I met Soph through  Ash & years later they are my two of my closest friends.
While Ash has been away she has been cooking non stop while her bf  has been at work. We have been seeing photos of her beautfull meals so we thought its the perfect catch up to come around to mine lye on the couch or the floor eating home cooked meal with some red wine watching a movie and curling up. Cant wait till she is back :)





Last week a fortnight i feel like i have been out alot considering i should be at home everything night because im going away and try to save every little penny.
I had my close friend Amanda's birthday last Friday night. Ended up being a late one but glad we all headed out and had a good time. Was no where else other than our favourite place Carlton Club.







Night markets during the week on Wednesday. they are going to be addictive every year. i can just tell. its killing me though not being able to buy the little things i want while im there. luv going to them just the vibe it has. The food is great and the cheap cocktails with the bug cups of Sangria's yummy!! i bumped into my gf Gio i call her. Her name is Giovanna but thats her nick name everyone else calls her that as well. I use to work with her everyday in my last job Steve Madden. I miss our days together.I think her and i worked the best out of all the time i have been in retail. I see her at work but still not the same as being outside of work. so luved that. I was so happy & great full when she came to my birthday last year because she lives on the other side of the city as well and she came all that way. i had a few photos taken with her then however lost my camera that night :(







Couple weeks ago it was Australia day. we got a little group together headed down to the esplanade in St kilda and just chilled out having a few beers in the sun listening to triple J countdown. We were there all day but somehow managed to miss who won. we soon found out later on that night.





I caught up with my gf Sandy last week. We are each others long lost friends because we only see each other once twice or three times the most in one year. She took me out for belated birthday dinner. So cute because my birthday is in June and its now February.
After a lovely Meal with  sweet wine We were discussing what our plans are for the year.
We have both similar interest in fashion however she is so sweet & saying i want to help you as much as you can and if you get experience that would be great. Sandy is that little bit older than me. She may only be 6 years older but she has gained experience that im yet to discover and gain. She is so sweet because she is like i want to help you so much if i can. Sandy plans to open her own boutique this year In August September or October, anytime around then.
She was telling me her plans and how she see's me fitting into them. She said If it was all my by shop would be all black. Sandy has great Style but her favourite colour is black and she wear's it most of the time. i dont think i have seen her one time in full colours and patterns. She has this vintage quirky style which i luv but always in black which i find is so cool.
We both have similar style but yet little bit different so we get each other with out even discussing things.
Was really sweet because it was as though she was always thinking of me when i didn't even have a clue what her thoughts were for the future.
She told me she would luv if her and i could go travel together for buying for her store. i never really thought of buying as a career so much as much as i luv the idea but i always thought i would luv to have my own label  so and be proud of everything little thing in my line i did myself.
However if this all come to reality i will most definitely take her up on it. Sounds amazing. She has had experience in wholesales as well so she knows what she is doing.
She was telling me how she see's myself. i never pin pointed it but i was telling my other gf Katheryn how i find it so great when other people believe in you in the idea that context im using as fashion. Sandy see's myself as the creative type & putting things together/outfits with out worry and see's i dont like the selling side of it at all. Which is so true.  i find it amazing how i didn't even mention anything she can just tell by the way i talk about things.
What she said to me was so sweet and cute. her words " as much as your young and have alot ahead of you your very mature and have an old soul."


I thought to myself wow. i have such beautifull people in my life. So So great full.

i say this so often but my god i feel so blessed to have such great amazing beautifull friends in my life.